Back to work

Well here we go
Back to work today... Just a meeting but I have to be on form...
I don't want to right now, my time of focus on my daughter and me has been lovely and I don't feel ready to start back.
I'll be fine... I always am.
I hope it's better than I'm anticipating.
Ummmm.
Right, shower, dressed, get on it.

Endometriosis

I've got that too.

I found out a few years ago, I had asked for investigation, because things had just silly having previously assumed for all of my period having life that it was something to do with having and not having babies.
As far as it goes it isn't so bad but of late it's been annoying.
Clots and confusion. That's my main experience of it.
I wonder if it is connected to VHL.
The professionals don't seem to think so.
Just another thing.
But it's fine
Always fine
It's ok everyone
It's fine
.

Penn Y Ghent

Yesterday we set out to relive a moment in my father's past that meant a lot to him. We, a party of 9 in the end, for his 4x4 wheelchair set out up the path that would lead to the hill (mountain) Penn Y Ghent.
For the first time, in a long time he was doing something with a bit of drama, and the path certainly provided a bit of that.
On occasion I thought his chair, and him in it were going to topple over. But we kept going, limited, it seemed by the battery rather than his determination or stamina.
My daughter was very excited at first, she hugged him tightly on arrival. Admittedly she got a bit bored towards the end but finding worms to rescue from puddles helped.
We didn't get to the top, in fact we didn't get very high. The pace was slow, but we did it.
I'm told on his return home he had a huge smile. He wants to try again.
What I found interestingly sad was that during that time, and the meal afterwards he was so awake, I could understand him better and he engaged. It's sad because I don't see that side of my dad much.
Perhaps this is the start of things to come, maybe my dad is still in there and he's able to be part of my life.

It's a no VSO

I got the following email today, it was going to be my next chapter, it was going to be a way to take a different direction. Now I have to think again. VHL getting in the way, not allowing me to move on, not letting me be who I was hoping to be. I feel really frustrated and I feel like I've let my husband down. 

I cried when I read it. 

I thought it would be ok. 

I was wrong. 

Thank you for your email and I apologise for the delay in reply.

In view of your medical condition, I am sorry that I think it would be difficult to find a VSO placement for you which would be able to provide appropriate medical support should you become ill at placement. 

Although it may be possible to travel annually to have follow up such as MRI checks, I would be much more concerned about you becoming ill at placement where medical facilities tend to be very poorly resourced.  Unfortunately the lack of adrenal glands means that you could become very ill very quickly if not given the correct medical management. 

Infections, including gastroenteritis, are fairly common at placement.  The increased support you would need in combination with very limited medical facilities and difficult logistics of moving you to medical care, mean that this could pose a significant risk to your health.

I therefore feel that a placement with VSO would be unwise.

I am sorry that this may come as a disappointment.

Best wishes

Susanna

And now it's goodbye

Appointment started at 2:15, drops and two scans done in relatively quick succession and then over 2 hours wait to see a doctor.
For those of you who attend clinic 12 or many other clinics at Moorefields you will know this wasn't unexpected. And as I predicted my eyes are the same.
Prof Webster appears, wants my doctor, notices it's me and we have a chat.
I'm going to be leaving the care of his team, I'm going to let my VHL team check me out from time to time. And after over 12 years of waiting a really really long time to see a doctor, the scans, the chats the, this is happening and I'm done.
Relationship over.
We agreed.
Mutual.
Respectful.
I thanked him for his care over the years and he said 'you're welcome.'
I walked out, blinded only a little bit by the sun and resumed life in the world.
Bye bye.

Moorefeilds, it's been a while

I'm supposed to go once every 6 months, I think it has been over 2 years. Cancellation and life getting in the way.
I'm not expecting to have any news, I'm actually expecting to be there for over 2 hours and then hear that they'll see me in 6 months.
Thankfully that's the dull part of this disease, the dullness of appointments and no news. We spend a lot if time bored, sitting through the dull of the dull.

Complain and complain.