Saturday, January 24, 2026

You can only work with the body that you arrive with

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 There's a lovely, lively lady who does roller derby with me, we're both just as useless as each other at skating backwards. She has...
Sunday, January 11, 2026

Rolling back in

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 It was on my list of recovery goals, and today I went back. Much more emotional than I expected, each time I referred to the length and dif...
Saturday, December 27, 2025

more of his eye

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Because of my mum I think, I haven't tried to connect with many other VHLers. Some people find it useful to find connection on the miser...

2 years ago

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I went in for kidney surgery - my second, my first with a robot.  I thought things would be looking up after that. And yet no, 2 strange and...
Thursday, December 25, 2025

What's silly

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What's silly about Christmas is the sense of occasion. The pressure for it to matter. The day. The tradition and the food. And, when you...
Tuesday, December 23, 2025

judged

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Ummmm Feeling safe in your own home  Judged  Finding space  I think that's what family should feel like, not judged, just loved.  Ummmmm...
Friday, November 21, 2025

Not just mine

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 It has been an interesting experience seeing my normally very healthy and well out together husband have something more than a sprain, go w...
Sunday, November 16, 2025

I couldn't say your name

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I sang one of our songs today, it was strange and wonderful. The audience got it, I gave context of the joke in it. It was very well appreci...
Friday, October 31, 2025

oncology

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It's a word you know, when you know, you know.  At 19:23 on a Tuesday evening, just as I decided to sip the last bit of wine offered by ...
Sunday, October 19, 2025

new MRI

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Adding another one to my list. The hospital is snuggled into the streets of London. A smaller place with art on the walls and good enough si...
Friday, October 10, 2025

missing

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Grief, that ball bouncing around, hitting and hurting. The graphic of that circle starting small and then getting bigger. I've only thou...

it will end

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It is 3 calendar months. I have swum and lifted weights. I have got to a stage where I'm not always aware of the pain. I'm traveling...
Friday, October 03, 2025

Visiting

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 The tables turned, me finding the right ward, asking 'do you need anything.' half knowing that question involves more than a simple...
Tuesday, September 16, 2025

hospital

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Surgical review today. Feels almost pointless - except I'll maybe get some reassurance about the ongoing pain. But I'd fault just ke...
Sunday, September 07, 2025

a book

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I've just finished a book that's made me think and feel.  I usually read to not do those things.  But I also loved it and just want ...
Friday, September 05, 2025

sadness

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 I am feeling sad, I crave security and I have so much of it but at the same time it feels like dry sand in my hand.  I have so much and yet...

RTW

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 For once I am taking my own advice and I think partly why this is possible is due to the level of support I feel from the colleagues around...
Tuesday, August 26, 2025

looking after myself

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 I know I say it each time - I say next time I'll take off all the time I need and do a proper phased return. And then I just find ways ...
Wednesday, August 20, 2025

when the world shrinks

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I'm used to being independent. One thing I don't miss about Malawi was I didn't ever truly feel that. I needed more people than ...
Monday, August 18, 2025

I will always remember you

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I didn't know it on the day but a treat ago you lost your battle and I lost you.  You'd sent me a happy by text a few days before. A...
Saturday, August 16, 2025

47

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This surgery and this life has been making me think a lot about the letter.  49 without screening 52 with Kidney cancer  The plan to have a ...
Monday, August 11, 2025

recovery update

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It's almost 5 weeks. I've done busses and longish car journeys but they do make me ache a lot. I thought I was through the fatigue b...
Saturday, August 02, 2025

PTSD?

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A suggestion from a very good friend was the perhaps my involuntary sadness and tears might be PTSD. This doesn't seem wrong but a poten...
Thursday, July 31, 2025

I'm glad you're alive

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I remember the sentiment when I was younger. At times I thought I was being over the top. Telling friends - well school mates- that my dad c...
Wednesday, July 30, 2025

stitches out

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The relief is a little overwhelming.  Seeing the small and tough bits of thread that held my neck together and feeling the pulls. All done. ...