Sunday, September 07, 2025

a book

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I've just finished a book that's made me think and feel.  I usually read to not do those things.  But I also loved it and just want ...
Friday, September 05, 2025

sadness

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 I am feeling sad, I crave security and I have so much of it but at the same time it feels like dry sand in my hand.  I have so much and yet...

RTW

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 For once I am taking my own advice and I think partly why this is possible is due to the level of support I feel from the colleagues around...
Tuesday, August 26, 2025

looking after myself

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 I know I say it each time - I say next time I'll take off all the time I need and do a proper phased return. And then I just find ways ...
Wednesday, August 20, 2025

when the world shrinks

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I'm used to being independent. One thing I don't miss about Malawi was I didn't ever truly feel that. I needed more people than ...
Monday, August 18, 2025

I will always remember you

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I didn't know it on the day but a treat ago you lost your battle and I lost you.  You'd sent me a happy by text a few days before. A...
Saturday, August 16, 2025

47

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This surgery and this life has been making me think a lot about the letter.  49 without screening 52 with Kidney cancer  The plan to have a ...
Monday, August 11, 2025

recovery update

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It's almost 5 weeks. I've done busses and longish car journeys but they do make me ache a lot. I thought I was through the fatigue b...
Saturday, August 02, 2025

PTSD?

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A suggestion from a very good friend was the perhaps my involuntary sadness and tears might be PTSD. This doesn't seem wrong but a poten...
Thursday, July 31, 2025

I'm glad you're alive

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I remember the sentiment when I was younger. At times I thought I was being over the top. Telling friends - well school mates- that my dad c...
Wednesday, July 30, 2025

stitches out

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The relief is a little overwhelming.  Seeing the small and tough bits of thread that held my neck together and feeling the pulls. All done. ...
Tuesday, July 29, 2025

tracking this recovery

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It's almost 3 weeks. I'm feeling frustrated and bored. I can do so much and yet not enough to feel independent. I can cook but not e...
Saturday, July 26, 2025

it's my recovery

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And I'll cry if I want to.  I expect most people think we should be jubilant about the survival. I'm very sad at times. Not because ...
Sunday, July 20, 2025

how many more

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Once someone online told me to count my blessings and not my tumours. They did not get it.  Eye - nowt changing and nothing I'm willing ...
Tuesday, July 15, 2025

recovery

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The op was on Wednesday and today is Tuesday. My body hurts, aches, tweaks and crunches. It's not just the surgical site, the other plac...
Friday, June 27, 2025

art therapy

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Today I took a step towards helping myself. My first session. There's so much. That's what strikes me, just my VHL world is so full....
Thursday, June 26, 2025

the nasty one

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As I often do, I described my second brain tumour as the nasty one.  It was. The cyst was.  The lack of pain and inability to function cripp...
Sunday, June 15, 2025

Father's Day

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 Last night I cried because I felt a strange sadness that I knew that I missed my dad, the dad I had seen in a picture in my daughter's ...
Sunday, June 08, 2025

fear

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I'm trying to keep out of my negative head space, I'm trying so hard and sometimes I am good at it.  Not this morning, I felt a visc...
Friday, June 06, 2025

not knowing and knowing

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 There is an odd pressure attached to knowing a maybe date and really knowing, so it can become as close to definite as possible. |It got to...
Tuesday, June 03, 2025

arm

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Today I felt a strange sensation in my arm. The left one. Different to the recent fuzzy feeling. This was more like a dull ache - this was s...
Saturday, May 24, 2025

I don't know

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If he loves me. I'm not even sure if he likes me right now. There's a small distain in his interaction that makes me wonder.  Don...
Sunday, May 18, 2025

fear is normal

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 Today I cried before I went to skate, to hit and use my body the way it currently can. Today I wondered when I would return after the next ...