You can only work with the body that you arrive with

 There's a lovely, lively lady who does roller derby with me, we're both just as useless as each other at skating backwards. She has been so kind and thoughtful about my return. And she says that, and that's all I've been able to do. Tears when I feel lots of feeling, because this body isn't the same. 

And I've had some mind wandering about what the impact will be if I need more surgery,  because that will keep happening and I can't keep bouncing back and this time I still haven't. 

And then the hiccups, most days, once, could be 'normal' could be something on my brain stem. That's the thing with VHL, who the fuck knows. Could be all sorts, but as unlikely as it sounds, that's not a leap of logic. It's VHL logic. 

sigh