Cancer of the elbow

I know I'm not the only one, but every time my body does something unusual or different I imagine the worst.
Last night in the comfort of friends sofa we joked. I felt the relief of articulating my irrational fears, my elbow hurts.
Cancer of the elbow.
You see it was true for me that - you have hiccups you have a brain tumour.

I've convinced myself on so many occasions that I have something new, unrelated to VHL. I await the diagnosis of labial cancer, I won't get cervical cancer, I'll get something rare and not at all connected to VHL.
I have been aware for a long time that life can throw you anything, good and bad and as I accept my privilege and good fortune, I accept the unfortunate and rare too. I don't dwell too much and I don't let it get in the way, but it is there, lingering and insipid.

Knowing your surgical anniversary

I don't, well only one of them.
The one that meant my baby girl came screaming healthily into this world.
That's the only one.
I've notice that the other 7 are not dates I can recall, I have a rough idea of months for some of them and I think, given some time I could give am accurate year. But all in all I don't know and I certainly couldn't post about my 1 year, 5 year, 20 year anniversary.
Mind it's taken me all of the years I've been married to get that into my head. And that's because my mum and sister always send me a text so I'm getting better at knowing that month.

The significance of this?

I haven't got the mental capacity to celebrate because there will always be another one. And I have the strength to know that each day is a blessing and an achievement.

So happy anniversary to anyone who has survived and thrived.

And to those who are getting by.

Having a cold

I have had a cold, it lasted a week and I was so very grumpy about it.
I'm not good when I have a cold, it irritates me so much. I get angry and I feel very sorry for myself.
I am good at tumours and cancer... well so far
but a cold, useless.
It's to do with feeling my energy is being wasted and my time is better spent recovering from when I'm really poorly.

Fear and uncertainty

In the UK we are all experiencing a prolonged time of uncertainty and waiting.
What will happen, what will it mean and when.
Most people feel they have no control or power to change anything. A waiting game.

I think you can see the parallels here...

The UK seems to have VHL and I hope the invasive cancerous tumours are cut out.