Lucky to have time to say goodbye

 Another live streamed funeral today. It is becoming an art for some and not so much for others. It is important to say goodbye and to know that you are part of a collective love for someone. 

At least we all have time to say goodbye, and each one personal and meaningful. That is a gift in itself, to be able to have that time. Even if it is miles away and we can't have a proper knees up - I'll raise a glass tonight. 

he's another year older

 this year I felt very far from home. There isn't much you can say after so long, but knowing I don't know him anymore and forgetting the small things I once knew made him feel very far away. 

Was it Queen Mary?

Was he in his first or second year when he came home unexpectedly?

I do remember walking past him on his way up the road when he was supposed to be in London. 

My big brother, forever young. 

distracted by greif

I burnt my hand.

I knew I would.

It's often described as shaken, the news shook me. I took more Hydrocortisone. 

I called him my uncle. Until I was 20 I didn't really know who he was. He was one of the cousins that my mum had. He was at that point my mum's cousin. He knew my brother so he mattered. He had memories of Conrad that I wanted 

Then fallen through flat in London and my mum asking for a favour, it was from her, his cheeky little cousin.

And without really knowing it was such a significant relationship, there I was, moving in 

Living with someone is a way of being close that you can't do any other way.

His wife is a fantastic cook. I was fatter in that time of my life more than any other  

I felt loved, protected and secure. And anyone who has begun teaching will know what a confidence rollercoaster it is. Home from home. Unconditional space. What a gift they both gave. 

I thought I was an adult and technically I was but I was fresh into the chapter. These were the days of good red wine and the best lamb shank you would ever taste. He didn't cook!

I treasure these memories. A true home from home. A transition that I needed more than I could explain then and even now.

I moved out because they had done the job, once again of looking after a Doherty child. Hearts the size of planets without a seconds thought of getting something from it. A generosity of spirit that I do my best to emulate. 

This was just my first chapter.