this is all forest

Here, you notice poverty as a fact of life.

Here I'm rich. Very rich.

Here Covid 19 is another part of life, a problem, more an inconvenience than a life changing experience.

My part in this is to help the local economy survive. Keep employing who I can.

Keep buying

Keep eating

Keep paying

Keep keeping

to everything turn turn turn

Today my daughter turns into a teenager.

I'm not with her, she is on an adventure. I'm so very proud of her and miss being able hold her and kiss her and see her face as we celebrate.

Being here, that's the privilege. There's the joy. 

I'm still here and so is she. 

We are still a family and we are all very happy.

How lucky we are. 

Home alone

Although, I'm not alone. I have close neighbours and the internet, friends online. But for the next two weeks I am home alone. 

I've never fully lived on my own, grew up with my family, off to university, lived in halls and then chosen friends, moved in with my mum's cousin when I trained to teach, then into a flat share, communal living space and kitchen and then into a flat share with my boyfriend, who I bought my first house with and second, then became his wife and now I'm here in this community. 

I have of course spent nights, weeks on my own but this is the first time in a long time when I've been been alone like this. 

So far so good, I'm enjoying my space, my sense of self. I'm taking the time to look after myself, to enjoy the time and freedom to reflect and enjoy where I am and how I am here. 

Here, despite the world pandemic, despite the uncertainly and despite the niggling worries, is safe. 

I intend to use this time to prepare for what I can control, reflect on my ability to be a good teacher and leader and to administer some self care. This is a time to be selfish in a sensible way. 

I've created some expectations of myself, no caffeine after 12noon, plenty of water. Fruit for breakfast and enjoyable meals. No alcohol unless it is in food and listen to music, recommended by those I love. Some exercise, mainly bending and a gentle walk once or twice. Reading in the sun and a sensible time for bed, rise when I awake. 

As the term ends

I am hopeful that we can wave goodbye to online learning as the only method of teaching. The faceless, dry and often delayed method. I miss my students, I miss seeing them and helping them learn in person. Just a few days left this term and then the long holiday. 

The world can change in a few days, so hopefully the month and a bit ahead of us will provide some more hope and more information, that will make the possibility of opening a reality. 

I am living in hope. 

I'm good at that.