Daren
You’ve left a big gap in my heart. When I think of you, I
think of your smile your talent and your gift for making me feel loved. I am no
stranger to grief but I hadn’t expected to be grieving you so soon. Perhaps foolishly
I thought we had so much more time. I hoped you were feeling better, making
steps to a recovery. I’m so sorry I was wrong and we don’t have any more future
to enjoy.
You were my Daren, my guitarist. I never had another, I
remember when you told me you were in a new band, I felt very jealous and so
wanted to be able to write and perform music with you again. It’s who we were for
so long. The advert answered, the bond made and never lost. Never will be. I
will keep you with me always.
We made great music, we made some terrible stuff too, but we
really did find ways to create, and I was so happy doing that with you. Each
song we gave some of ourselves to it. It had always been a dream to perform, it
was its very best by your side. My life was always fuller because of our music,
and it has been a little gap I’ve never filled again, no matter the choirs or
attempts at other bands, even playing for myself. It was always the best with
you.
We almost made our friendship last 30 years you know,
through the various changes we both made, the career choices, the choice of
partner – you more than me of course. The people in our lives couldn’t ever
compare could they. Once you sung your soul out in front of a crowd,
harmonising perfectly, hearing them sing your own words back to you, listening
to the expertly rehearsed timing working its magic, well who can beat that? Life
may have meant we didn’t do that forever, but those gigs, the laughs at
rehearsal, the creating on my futon or your box room will be some of the
happiest days of my life.
No matter what – when we met up it was so easy. You were and
will always be one of my best friends. Perhaps that’s why I’ve always found it
so hard to call anyone my best friend – because I had you and even when - that short period when we didn’t -couldn’t
see each other or talk as much as we wanted to happened – it didn’t break the
bond.
My words feel small in comparison to the pain I feel now
knowing I won’t ever be able to sing with you again. We were good with words together,
we made poetry together.
As we once wrote ‘you came and found me, and rescued me from
me…’ and now I’ve got all this life that you won’t know about. I wish you could
have stayed for it and I know if you could have – well you would have. You
never wanted to hurt anyone so I know your hurt must have been huge and overwhelming.
I will miss you for ever – my Daren, my guitarist.