getting better

Today I feel largely frustrated that I'm not yet myself. I feel sick and my head still hurts and I'm wobbly and weak and my hair looks rubbish.
I have to be careful on days like today because I know they can lead me down a dark path. I am strong, I can overcome this all, I can get used to almost anything, I am strong.
But allow me to indulge myself, what if I'm not? What if  I won't ever be the person I was before, experiences do change you and this felt big, this has changed me. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get better, so much feels like my body doesn't belong to me and it doesn't know how to come back. I feel quite lost in my fear of not gaining back control.

headache
feeling sick
no appetite
wobbly
balance off
arm tingly (left)
eye feel odd
general weakness
shaking

and yet so much better than before the op, they where hellish days, each day more unbearable than the last, I couldn't even feel bored because the unpleasantness of it all so so extreme.
Count your blessings...

I'm trying to.

survivor?

It has been 3 weeks since my surgery and I feel rather disappointed that I don't feel better. I expect a lot of myself.

None of this has been nice, all of it something to get through but I have no choice. One thing is for sure I am living my life in a way I want to as lying there, for almost a month and I don't regret very much and the things I do regret weren't really things I actually had any control over.
I want to get back to that life, I don't want this one,

I should process this all but right now I am indulging myself in TV and friends visiting. I'm weak physically but proven to be strong mentally.

In hospital

Turns out that I felt rotten for VHL related issues as well as others. I'm typing on my phone from HDU as 3 days ago I had brain surgery. I'll no doubt say more on the topic anon.