I wish I didn't have cancer

Seems to obvious to say and most days I just get on. Today I got an email from one of the Drs on my VHL team. His care and getting in touch meant so much to me. Telling me not to worry about the overdue scan, letting me know they sort out out when I can get in. 

That care, that time. I wonder if he knows just how much that means to me. To know I'm still on someone's list, that I'm important enough to reach out to. The NHS staff are all heroes in my eyes. 

I shed a small tear, because I wish so hard that I didn't have this. I wish I didn't have to convince myself that I'm going to be ok. That it won't have grown and nothing else will have and of course, that there is nothing new. 

Wishing doesn't change it. 

I wish it did.