and so it comes

It was the night before clinic and all in the house, everyone was quiet, even the mouse. Or I'm being quiet. I'm quietly frightened. 

Today I was ok, busy but on the way home I began to feel the dread. The not totally irrational fear that tomorrow I could hear some bad news, even some very bad news.

My new colleagues got it. A card and some chocolates. Just to say they get it. That this is hard. I tried to play it down, like you do. But honestly, the simplicity of the new people in my life just saying. This is hard. Meant so so much

It must be hard, every six months. I thought, she gets this in a way some don't. I suspect she gets it because she's had to find out. I suspect she's had a clinic or a diagnosis - at our age lots of us do. 

So I'm having a glass of wine and I'm making dinner and I'll wrap myself up in my family tonight.