19th February 2006

I’ve been on holiday (half term) and I’m feeling refreshed. Being at home brings back memories of my brother. He would have been 32 yesterday.

This time of year is hard, it is made difficult this year because of waiting for test results. Been here recently, and before.

Dad is almost definitely going to have to have another operation or two. I love my dad, he is gentle and kind, he doesn’t make this disease a big deal.

It is.

On TV is ‘Honey We’re killing the kids.’ The irony isn’t lost on me. 
I was looking at adoption information today on the internet. It didn’t make it any clearer; the fact that adoption is complicated and fraught with pain and angst doesn’t make me feel any better about it. The fact that we are only likely to be able to have a child with previous history of serious trauma makes me wonder if VHL is really that bad. Oh bollocks. 
Please just let me get pregnant by accident and it not be a choice, just let it be.