what's wrong with your hands?

Why can't you catch?

"Oh, that's a long story" I replied

Then felt my face fill with tears and, not for the first time, couldn't stay on. Couldn't continue.

What was wrong with me? 

When the game is going well I love it, a member of a team, part of the success and failure. 

When I feel I'm being treated like I'm shit, I feel shit. The expectation of failing and dropping and my sense that I'm considered lazy.

Far from it.

I don't make excuses, I don't give up, usually. But today I ran off, I didn't stay for that. I couldn't play on.

What's wrong with your hands?

The truth might be...

Nothing

Something

Everything you can't see

All of the things... All of these possiblites 

I'm older then you

I'm just not very good

I give up when you wouldn't, because I don't fancy throwing myself to the ground

I have a variety of invisible disabilities that make this really hard for me and I keep trying, when you include me, when you give me a chance, when you don't make me feel like I'm worthless, when you don't patronise me, when you see my effort not my skill, when you are kind

Yes. I felt those things. I pulled it together and went back on

I stood my ground

I scored

I found space

I got angry

I said, I'm not throwing it behind me

I carried on

And I got home and cried some more

I'm strong but this pulls me apart it's got to be real because the tears are. 

Last time I stopped going because I didn't like feeling like that week after week. 

What should I do?