Let the fates decide

It's holiday time... I'm on holiday at the in-laws.
All very pleasant and relaxing.
I'm happy not to be at work and to be healthy at the same time. It feels like a long time since I've been well and now I'm here I'm having a bit of a re-think about my next few years.
VHL put me into a place where I was clear I didn't want to miss any life. My brother dying and his eulogy made me very determined to ensure I lived my life and didn't turn any opportunities down. Mostly that's always worked for me but lately I'm wondering if I've got the balance wrong.
That's probably got more to do with other life experiences and a freakish cyst around my brain tumour. I've said it before but I lay there, day after day, suffering in ways I can't describe and I didn't feel I regretted any choices I'd made.
I wasn't proud of everything I'd done, but I didn't regret it.
After being back at work and being back to my normal self I've been struck by how much I've let work consume me. People have seen my stress. I wonder if much of it is because they expect me not to be coping, that it is natural to be stressed. But truth be told I feel like there are other things I enjoy that I'm not getting the chance to do.
I love my job, I want to love it like I used to. That might mean taking a step back.
I'll let the fates decide... If I get on the course I'll do it. If I don't I'm not going to worry about it.
If I don't though, I'm going to have to get better at saying no.
If I'm guilty of being weak, then it's at saying no. I'm full.
Life work balance.