The importance of sleep

I'm sipping tea, listening to one of my favourite podcasts and thinking.
And despite the ever present undertones of anxiety and self loathing I'm happy and rested.
When I get back home, if I still feel I need it I'll tackle those two but I'm hoping my time here will continue to lessen them.
I've slept well.
I'm aware of the balance of life being so much better here. And I genuinely feel sorry for my colleagues left in the UK who are not enjoying this life style.
I've always been of the opinion that sleep is very important. The podcast just mentioned an article about it. Science has confirmed my instincts.
Sleep is easier here. Easier now.
I'm happy.
I know the ups and downs of happiness and so I'm going to do my best to endulge myself in this current batch of it.

Dubious and misjudged?

Mental health is a fashionable topic, impact on stress, work related or otherwise.

In my last year at my last school I was told that some of my decisions were dubious and misguided.
Those actions, as far as I think they were referring to, were to be there for a friend who needed some unconditional love.

The accusation was thrown at me by someone who couldn't see the truth behind my actions. He saw them only as an attack on him. He's freely admitted he has trust issues. He told me he was angry with me. But hadn't sought out any facts just heard parts and jumped to conclusions.

This was months ago and it still makes me angry.

But a great sadness occurred, one of his closest friends committed suicide. I offered him my support, regardless of my feelings I knew he was in a bad place. He didn't take it. How could he. I know he'll have wondered if there was anything he could have done to change things. Perhaps given him the job we both went for. I know that crossed my mind. How he could have been a better friend. I wondered that too. Maybe if more people helped with stress at work, maybe, maybe. Change that culture? I bet he's thought of all those things.

What I hope is that all of these things mean the next time there is a chance of helping he does, the next time he listens well to the people who care.

Past, now

I'm struck by how much of my past impacts on now. I'm so desperate at times.
So sad in others.
I find myself angry very often.
Near to tears the next.

Time to worry

I can't help it.
I'm trying so hard not to but worry I am.
The unsteady feeling is creeping in, the doubts and fears.
I'm worried.