Malawi

And here we are, a few stressful moments but 3 days in it feels good. Feels like the right choice. Live each day.
Some of the worries have dissipated and I feel happy.
Happy in a way I haven't for such a long time. Not the extravagant happy that I've felt. Not the guilty happy.
This is the happy I've missed. The soft curl in your mouth because a bit of you feels genuinely content. The base level of happy that keeps you safe and warm. The opposite of depression happy.
The no frills, comfortable happy that I took for granted, until I lost it.
It's a fragile happy still, is doesn't have it's strength back.
But if I nurture it, it will.

Saying goodbye for now to my dad

It's never comfortable for my dad to travel these days, it's hard for him to get about but he does it anyway, when he can and for a good reason.

He came here yesterday with his carer, made it up our steps, with help and we had the lunch I had made.

He told me he loved me, how proud he was of me and how sorry he was he had given me this disease.

He explained how he feels he is deteriorating still, that each time he gets ill, he doesn't fully recover.

He was saying goodbye.

Turning 39

It's another year and another achievement. Getting here.
According to that fateful letter I've got 13 years left.
Better make the most of them.

My birthday also showed me how loved I am and how I've learnt to keep amazing people close by.

I'm a lucky woman with an unlucky disease.