She has arrived. Last week a perfect day in July at 2:45 pm our time.
7lb 4oz and she is wonderful I'm so happy.
I had an interesting stay in hospital.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
I HATE IT
I hate it, I hate it I hate it. It creeps in and nibbles away at the perfectly good life you live. Why the rant well VHL does it’s bloody trick again.
I had an appointment with my prof and all was well. All of us in good spirits and off we went happy as the day was long. Then at about 8pm I suddenly experienced a strange change in my sight, a swirling kaleidoscope circle in my left field of vision. I carried on hoovering, naturally but when I’d finished I went into the kitchen to my partner who was finishing making dinner and I told him.
Nothing to say; perhaps a lead into a migraine. But I’ve never had one it just sounded like it might be. As I was eating my left hand filled with pins and needles. I sat up as instructed by my partner who said I may be leaning on something. My nose started to tingle too; like it does when I’ve had injections to numb it. It was now about 9pm and I was worried. I went up to the toilet and when I came back down the left side of my tongue was also tingling. We decided to go to A&E.
Now if it was just me I probably would have sat it out and stayed at home and seen what I felt like in the morning but it isn’t just me anymore. 37 weeks of a daughter is inside and we felt we should see a doctor. If I was ‘normal’ then I may well have gone to A&E because of the combination of symptoms and I’m not normal. And as all the symptoms faded I felt like such a fraud.
Even as I was taken very seriously and the baby was fine and the trace of her heart showed her to be completely unaffected and as they asked if I would agree to staying in over night and as I said no and as I said I’ll phone my prof in the morning and as the Doctor there did the neurological tests and said that it did sound like the symptoms of a stroke; which she said in such a blasé fashion I wondered if people had them all the time and even as my partners normally ever so calm face remained slightly sullen I did, I felt like I was a fraud and was wasting everyone’s time.
So now I’m sitting on my third day of maternity leave full of anxiety and typing away here to off load. Pissed off that the VHL monster has managed to take my calm and take my security. Again.
I had an appointment with my prof and all was well. All of us in good spirits and off we went happy as the day was long. Then at about 8pm I suddenly experienced a strange change in my sight, a swirling kaleidoscope circle in my left field of vision. I carried on hoovering, naturally but when I’d finished I went into the kitchen to my partner who was finishing making dinner and I told him.
Nothing to say; perhaps a lead into a migraine. But I’ve never had one it just sounded like it might be. As I was eating my left hand filled with pins and needles. I sat up as instructed by my partner who said I may be leaning on something. My nose started to tingle too; like it does when I’ve had injections to numb it. It was now about 9pm and I was worried. I went up to the toilet and when I came back down the left side of my tongue was also tingling. We decided to go to A&E.
Now if it was just me I probably would have sat it out and stayed at home and seen what I felt like in the morning but it isn’t just me anymore. 37 weeks of a daughter is inside and we felt we should see a doctor. If I was ‘normal’ then I may well have gone to A&E because of the combination of symptoms and I’m not normal. And as all the symptoms faded I felt like such a fraud.
Even as I was taken very seriously and the baby was fine and the trace of her heart showed her to be completely unaffected and as they asked if I would agree to staying in over night and as I said no and as I said I’ll phone my prof in the morning and as the Doctor there did the neurological tests and said that it did sound like the symptoms of a stroke; which she said in such a blasé fashion I wondered if people had them all the time and even as my partners normally ever so calm face remained slightly sullen I did, I felt like I was a fraud and was wasting everyone’s time.
So now I’m sitting on my third day of maternity leave full of anxiety and typing away here to off load. Pissed off that the VHL monster has managed to take my calm and take my security. Again.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Vulnerable
He looked so vulnerable. He was at my gate, stick in had with a list to the right; his hat on his head and mum dashing around in the background sorting the dogs and the car out. He smiled and wobbled on in. Later that day I gave them both a lift to the tube as dad had his first check up since the op. The surgeon is very pleased with him. As we pulled up in a line of traffic I said they would be better off getting out there (nowhere to park) so mum got out. Dad tried, he tried to do the window, get his bag and stick out and open the door. All foiled by the seatbelt left around him still connected to the car. ‘Don’t worry about the window dad just get out’ I felt bad. He almost fell out of the car and a kind man steadied him as he tumbled towards the pavement. Mum looked flustered and cross; a common face these days. He seemed so disabled and I couldn’t stand it.
Since then I’ve seen many people who use sticks and wheelchairs and it seems to me that the problem with my dad is that he refuses to accept he has limitations so he’s not able to deal with them. He still insists on speaking at 90miles an hour and so it’s very hard to understand him and he doesn’t use his stick properly. E.g. as he gained his balance to walk towards the tube I saw him lift it up to point at something!
And then there is the usual fear; will that be me. Will it be her?
But then they came back from then check up and there was all the positive things. The gamma knife will work on another tumour that is looking dodgy and the ones on his spine are doable too. But the best news is they are waiting for a new, faby daby doesy thing that is coming to Britain soon that is better than a gamma knife that will get em. Not the most technical way of describing it but I wasn’t there and so I didn’t get to make my notes. But it sounds good doesn’t it?
I’m on maternity leave now. Two weeks on Wednesday for the c-section.
I will do pictures. Take care everyone
Since then I’ve seen many people who use sticks and wheelchairs and it seems to me that the problem with my dad is that he refuses to accept he has limitations so he’s not able to deal with them. He still insists on speaking at 90miles an hour and so it’s very hard to understand him and he doesn’t use his stick properly. E.g. as he gained his balance to walk towards the tube I saw him lift it up to point at something!
And then there is the usual fear; will that be me. Will it be her?
But then they came back from then check up and there was all the positive things. The gamma knife will work on another tumour that is looking dodgy and the ones on his spine are doable too. But the best news is they are waiting for a new, faby daby doesy thing that is coming to Britain soon that is better than a gamma knife that will get em. Not the most technical way of describing it but I wasn’t there and so I didn’t get to make my notes. But it sounds good doesn’t it?
I’m on maternity leave now. Two weeks on Wednesday for the c-section.
I will do pictures. Take care everyone
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