I hurt all the time

It's about finding ways to not feel it.
And when work was good and fun that helped.
When my child is happy, so am I.
When I'm distracted by brilliant friends, their unconditional love dulls the pain, some times a lot almost so much that I think I'm free.
There are other ways, jigsaws, flirting, roller derby, well the last one provides physical pain... My healthy form of self harm.
Sometimes I let drink do the work but it never works. I'm lucky it hasn't.
Work, work was the key and now that feels like shit too often.
Work was fun, hard, challenging and extremely rewarding. Frankly consecutive governments have been destroying all that and it's not just me that is feeling it.
So where as I could rely on my job to mask the pain I can't now.