I wrote it in 2013 - must have been the kidney one.
It's here if she needs it... I really hope she doesn't.
I'd have written this by hand but I'm not great at spelling
and I want you to be able to read it.
You are the absolute best thing that ever happened in my
life and you brought me joy in so many ways. I hope one day you know this joy,
and then you'll understand. I want you to know that if I have any choice at all
I will be with you and I will always love you, I am in your skin. I am so sorry
that I left you and so much wanted to see you grown up.
I don't want to decide what your future should be and you
shouldn't live your life wondering what would have made me proud. I hope that
you are a good person of course and I hope you live well. I trust your dad to
help guide you and keep you safe. There are a lot of other people who will be
there to support him and make sure he does. He's a great man and the best dad
I've ever known. Maybe you will end up looking after him. He deserves to be
happy, he should have another relationship. So should you.
I can't decide if I should offer you words of wisdom. Will
you treasure them? The problem is of course that I don't know what situations
you may find yourself in and so advice could lead you the wrong way. But this
is what I think… I hope that you trust yourself enough to make good choices and
to be mature enough to resolve them if you don't. Learn from your mistakes,
everyone makes them - try not to make the same one twice. Take some risks,
don't play it too safe. Try hard, make an effort, most things that are worth
anything in life will be hard work at times. Read a lot and read widely and
don't believe everything you read or hear.
I hope you are both happy and that you remember me, but
don't be too sad about it.
Baby girl I love you so much
I hope the diary shows you we had fun… we did. thank you for
being you and being my squidge pants.
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