Sister

I knew coming home to Norfolk would be the hardest bit of the return trip.
I don't feel like I belong sometimes but I fit here. The place of my childhood, pointing small things and places out to my daughter. 

Yesterday, fuelled by drink and sun my sister did what I knew she would... She let me know that she's angry with me, she cried, I cried, she shouted at me and found blame in me, my mum, my dad, herself. The Catholic way of dealing with whatever it is. 

She shouted that I was so self centered. Recognised that she thinks it's not my fault, that that's the way I was brought up, after my brother died. And in many ways I agree, she's right, I am. I do things for me. I choose life, I choose experience. She realises too that I'm expected to live two lives, mine and my brothers, and she feels she has to stay here and be the one with mum and dad. My mum was so worried. She hates it when my sister is angry with her. My poor mum. 

I could go into more detail but I think it's ok for now, until I do something else (or don't)
And in amongst all that my dad needed attention.
I'm too tired to explain it all.