the nasty one

As I often do, I described my second brain tumour as the nasty one. 

It was. The cyst was. 

The lack of pain and inability to function crippling. 

Only bed bound for a few weeks. How lucky I an that it wasn't longer. 

And now... Less than that until I might, maybe be that forever 

Not because of the unpleasant side effect of moving but because I simply can't. 

I have reassured myself and others that they don't do this if they think they'll kill you. 

I don't know what is will be. 

Cancer feels so much easier. 

I'm still cross at that man, that friend who thought a cancer survivor was better than me. 

She might be. But not because she survived her one and only cancer. 

I face it and other over and over. 

Today I explained to a draw dropped group of people I had had 2 brain tumours removed. When they then heard I was going to have spine surgery they were even more shocked. Imagine their surprise if if added in the last kidney cancer. I didn't say it. And of course I didn't talk about the other 3 major ones and 3 more 'minor'. But of course I'm not a real cancer survivor. I'm not really brave. I'm not really going through it. 

When you do it well no one sees the rehearsal they see the performance.