oncology

It's a word you know, when you know, you know. 

At 19:23 on a Tuesday evening, just as I decided to sip the last bit of wine offered by my in-laws - I check my phone. Not expecting much. Perhaps a little love from one I love, perhaps an excited emoji from my child who I get to see tomorrow. But no. 

An appointment I'm not expecting - oncology. My husband intends to comfort me with, you haven't had any scans or anything.. His mother beats me to the reply - yes she has, an MRI just last week. 

Me, pulling the tears in, no, it can't mean anything. Out loud - it won't be that I've got cancer. Her face, my fear and his logic. 

No, because my surgeon said it wasn't cancerous, as expected an hemangioblastoma. Ummm. Well why then? This isn't part of the routine, this is a different ward. This means a day off work. This is not expected. I repeat - not in my expectations. 

I try not to let the worry creep in. 

Now what? 

Can I call and just check... I think you're inviting me for a thing I don't need/expect. Probably a waste of money for all concerned. I have clinic in January - I'm very good at waiting. I don't know who wants to see me and why. 

Who are you? 

What's this? 

Oncology - not a word anyone wants.