Taking responsibility

A number of people (I'm one of them) think I should get counselling.
My husband isn't sure. But I think that might be because of the experiences other people he loves have had. It doesn't trust it.

So why haven't I?
I nearly did, I had CBT before my brain surgery. I booked in meet a counsellor that I was willing to pay for, in July.
I pulled out.
CAMHS want us all to have family therapy. I'll be fine with that.

I don't want to do it because I'm afraid of what it will uncover. The truth that might come out. The reality of how I feel about so many things.
Like a leaking tap... I can manage the small drips, annoying as they are.  The occasional spill, but it's under control.
I don't feel strong enough to fix it, I don't know how to turn the water off first. And I'm not prepared for the mess, the inital dirt and sludge and more that I don't know if even there.
Drip drop drip.